Have you noticed that a girl around you or even your daughter is changing unusually, more than is normal for teenagers? Does she have a new boyfriend? Is she often absent-minded? Does she respond immediately to her mobile phone and quickly disappears when she gets a call? Is her performance in school getting worse? Has she become more withdrawn, tired and aggressive? Is she often out at night? Can you detect increased alcohol or drug use in her? Does she shower often and for a long time? Does she have a lot of contact with older boys or men and less with her friends? Does nobody around her know where she is?
If several of these signs are present, she may have fallen in with a “loverboy” and urgently needs help!
Information on "loverboys", as well as specific help and advice for parents, can also be found on „Die Elterninitiative“ .
Do you know a “loverboy“ victim or suspect that you know one?
Here are the most important tips for parents and teachers of possible ”loverboy” victims.
Do´s:
- Try to stay calm.
- Offer your help to the victim, no matter when, where or how. She should know that she can always come to you no matter what.
- If your daughter is living at home, don't kick her out.
- Tell her that it doesn't matter what she has done. That you will always love her and that you are not angry, even if you find it difficult to un derstand the relationship or her behavior.
- Be gentle and careful. She needs to feel safe and secure now.
- Always emphasize the freedom you are giving the victim. This also means the freedom to go back to the "loverboy". This clearly distinguishes you from the "loverboy". He forces. You give choice.
- If you are not a parent, it is best to talk to the parents about your suspicions and take steps together.
- Seek help. This is a difficult issue, and no one can or should have to deal with it alone.If the victim is a minor, talk to the police and a local counselling center about the best course of action.
- If there is acute danger, do not hesitate to contact the police. You can find police tips here (in German).
Don‘ts :
- Don't blame yourself for not noticing what was happening to your daughter sooner. Blaming yourself helps no one. “loverboys" are masters of manipulation. They can deceive everyone: parents, friends, family.
- Do not get angry with her.
- Do not come between her and the “loverboy”, even if you want to protect her. She is in love with him. Don't try to force her to stay away from him, it will only draw her to him even more. SHE has to make the decision to leave him, otherwise she will keep going back to him.
- If you think something is wrong, don't keep quiet about what is happening. Trust your gut!
It is not only important for students to know about “loverboys”, but their immediate families should also know how to recognize this tactic and protect children and young people.
For this reason, we offer parents' meetings to inform parents on the topic before a workshop takes place and to prepare them for further questions from their children. Only those who are aware of the problem, can recognize it, so it is especially important for parents to be well-informed.
If a parents' meeting cannot be organized, please inform the parents as much as possible. Before a workshop takes place, the parents' letter example from our handbook of materials can be used to inform the parents.
Request & Contact
If you have any further questions or would like to request us for a parents' evening, please feel free to contact us.
